How I Won the Battle with Infertility and What I Wish I Knew Then

Disclaimer:  This is my experience.  You should do what is best for you.  My journey to fertility was physical, energetic, mental, emotional, and spiritual.  In the end I am extremely grateful for it all.  It is has made me who I am today.

"Every good story has a struggle before a happy ending."

I remember it like yesterday.  It was a gloomy and rainy September morning in 2012.  The rain was coming down in sheets and an alert popped up on my phone reporting a flood warning.  But of course, I didn’t want to miss our doctor’s appointment and ultrasound.  My husband and I drove together hoping all was well.  I was supposed to be 9 weeks pregnant.  I stopped taking birth control 2 months before our wedding in May hoping we would become pregnant on our honey moon in June/July.  I couldn’t wait to be a parent.  It was something I wanted in life since before I can remember.  We were pregnant on our first try!  I told everyone right away.  I was so excited!  But in my gut I knew the pregnancy wouldn’t stay.  Knowing this, I went in for a super early ultra sound, and was told I was measuring 5 days behind.  My fear grew and I started over eating veggies and chicken in hopes that extra nutrition would help this little boy/girl stick.  I also vaguely remember switching to a pharmaceutical grade prenatal vitamin with folic acid in it hoping this would be best for our little baby not knowing that with MTHF, I should have avoided folic acid and instead taken methylated folate. 

The moment the ultrasound tech started the ultra sound, I knew something wasn’t right.  She found that the baby stopped growing at 7.5 weeks gestation and there was no heartbeat.  Tears streamed down.  The doctor came in and asked us to walk to his office.  Devastated, and knowing what had happened, I zoned out.  I couldn’t comprehend the grief.  I was hysterical.  My husband was there with me but I felt so alone.  I agreed to a D and C not knowing if it was necessary.   My husband and I were given a private exit to walk out of and we would see the doctor 2 days later at the clinic for my procedure.  This day was the worst day of my entire life.  

(Don’t worry, there’s some very happy endings in this story, I promise!)   

 

After My Miscarriage

After the D and C, I was told we could start trying to become pregnant again 2-3 months after.  I was so hopeful but my hope started to diminish.  2 months into trying and no positive test.  I felt pregnant each month but would then get my period.  I didn’t felt this since I was pregnant the first time.   I knew something was wrong. I was full of fear praying to God saying that my heart couldn’t possibly go thru another miscarriage and that it needed to be the real deal when I do become pregnant.   I met with another doctor of this practice who had no idea why I would feel pregnant and suggested my hormone levels were off.  I went in for some blood tests to check my hormones such as progesterone but everything seemed to be somewhat in the normal range.  I then decided to switch practices and became a patient of a different OB/GYN’s office.  I  scheduled an appointment with a fertility doctor there who was a specialist and who could hopefully get me some answers.  I remember my husband and I sitting in his office about 6 months after our loss.  He didn’t seem concerned but recommended genetic testing, having a biopsy done of my uterus, and a hysteroscopy to make sure there was no scaring left behind from the D and C.  When those tests came back with no concern (although I was a a carrier of the MTHFR Aa129c gene along with HFE) , I was recommended to undergo an HSG procedure that injects blue dye to make sure the fallopian tubes were open.  One side did come back a little clogged but it didn’t seem so much of a concern.  This doctor then recommended that my husband’s “swimmers” be tested.  That came back without concern.  The next step would be either IVF or IUI.  We decided to take a pause in late 2013 since it was extremely expensive and maybe we should give it more time.

During this time, I looked for answers, everywhere.  You know, in between crying every time I saw a baby or a pregnant person and I mean every time. 

Cleaning Up My Diet

I headed to a local nutrition store and found an employee who was a wealth of knowledge and seemed like a modern day hippie.  She recommended I take folate and a few additional supplements.  I learned from her and a few others that I should be eating organic and that the food I was consuming prior was laced with toxic pesticides and weed killers that could have led to my miscarriage.  Almost all non-organic foods have chemicals in them that are hazardous to our bodies.  Even worse was GMO foods.  I learned that with the MTHFR gene mutation, my body had a harder time filtering our toxins like normal bodies can although it is known that 50%+ of the population has this gene mutation.  I learned that folic acid in synthetic form acts as a poison to those with MTHFR and that I needed to be on a whole food folic acid or methylated folate along with methylated b12.  I also started taking probiotics to help heal my gut.  I had horrible “gastro” problems since college and would be so sick if I consumed more than one portion of dairy a day. Interesting enough, eliminating non-organic foods from my diet stopped my “stomach problems” by at least 90%.  

Changing my Skin Care, Cosmetics, and Cleaning Products:

I was sad but grateful to learn that my beloved Bath and Body works products had many endocrine disrupting chemicals in them along with chemicals that have shown to cause infertility. After learning this, I decided to look at everything that touches my skin.  I revamped my makeup and cosmetics to only non toxic products.  I changed our cleaning supplies too.  To view my favorite non toxic cosmetics click here.

Holistic Treatments:

For our anniversary in 2013, we decided book a reservation at a resort along with spa treatments.  I chose accupuncture and cupping.  I was open to any type of holistic treatment that could figure out why I was unable to become pregnant.  The accupuncturist was great and said he found no reason energetically to explain why I was unable to become and hold a pregnancy.  We then booked a couples massage and one of the therapists said she saw 2 souls floating around as green orbs but wasn’t sure of exactly what she was seeing.  I was just so grateful someone would open up enough to us to explain what she saw as that was not the line of work she was in necessarily and a lot of people would consider this weird even though we understood it.

Prior to this, I found a women’s wellness center that offered a Mayan Fertility Massage and Yoni steam sessions.  I remember looking at the intake paperwork.  It was intense.  It asked many questions about my past.  Some that brought up some painful feelings of fear, unworthiness, or sexual trauma with partners who didn’t truly love me.  It was something I was unprepared for but I was willing to take the steps I needed to healing my body , mind, and soul so I could house a life within me.  I started to realize that I stored my feelings, emotions, and memories inside my body.  I started to awaken.  And in the end, I was told that my uterus was not in the correct alignment that was temporarily now shifted in the correct place.  But the most important thing that happened this day changed my life. I was given the name and contact information of a healer who I thought was a psychic and could help me find out why I was not pregnant yet.  …More on this in a little but back to the story.

To a New Fertility Doctor's Office

In the beginning of 2014, I booked an appointment with a new fertility doctor.  I heard amazing things about her.  Her office was less than 10 minutes from our home and she had the same name as me.  I figured it was a sign.  I mean I was looking for anything as a sign of hope.  As I sat in her office in tears explaining my story which I knew was so similar to many other hopeful moms-to-be, she was pretty confident that I would become a mom after reviewing our medical files.  Although I don’t remember the exact process, I remember sitting in that waiting room a lot.  Striking up conversations with others who had similar stories from mine seemed to make me feel less alone.  After a few additional tests, the doctor proposed I undergo a laparoscopy for possible endometriosis then to under go fertility treatments where I would go on medication then get injected with a chemical to cause my body to ovulate on a specific day.  

Side note:  During this time, I walked into a spiritual center and paid for a “psychic reading.” I walked in and said, I have a medical question.  The older robust woman with large brown curls stared back at me and said “Yes hun, you need to go in for it so they can clean you out so you can become pregnant.”  She said I would be pregnant right after (within 3 months).  I took her advise.  I now believe she was reading akashic records but at the time, I barely knew what a chakra was and how it functioned let alone understand what akashic records were.

February 14, 2014 I went in for a laparoscopy.  Before being wheeled in, I saw the doctor that originally told me that there was nothing wrong with me.  I snarled at my husband and he nodded knowing how grateful I was to be in our new doctor’s care.  The laparoscopy was successful and I was diagnosed with endometriosis.  I had suffered for years with terrible cramps and heavy bleeding to the point that my legs would go numb and I would almost pass out.  Growing up, my mother thought I was being dramatic about it so I started to believe that I was too.  I thought the pain I was experiencing was normal.  It was not.  

After the procedure, the doctor recommended coming right in for fertility treatments as there was a greater rate of success with the treatment immediately following a laparoscopy.   During my treatment appointments and follow-ups, I remember joking with the nurse about our future baby’s name.  I was so hopeful.  But after 2 months of this, we decided to take a break.  It was pricey and I was thinking that maybe we should consider IVF.  I started to lose hope at this time but knew if we could afford IVF, it may just work.  Together, my husband and I agreed to stop trying and talk about it again in 2-3 months. 

…now back to the spiritual healer….

 

Spiritual Healing

I grew up Catholic.  I was very religious growing up and always felt a strong connection to God.  I saw psychics before.  And one specifically in my teens who predicted a lot.  I also read Sylvia Brown’s books and strongly believed in the spiritual world.  Although, I now know she wasn’t of love and light, I am grateful her books led me on my open minded spiritual journey.  I also read the book Spirit Babies and cried my eyes out as I felt the truth popping off the pages that helped me heal and re-instill my faith in becoming pregnant again.  I recommend this book to anyone trying to become pregnant or has dealt with any type of pregnancy loss.  I knew deep down in my soul that my miscarriage happened for a reason but didn’t have the answer as to why.

So the moment I drove to the healing appointment, I knew it was right.  Even though “2 years” always popped into my head when I asked how long it would be, I ignored it because I thought it was just my mind making things up. I just thought she would tell me, you’ll be pregnant in 3 months and eat kale.  But no, she did something so miraculous.  Something that was so necessary.  She explained my anxiety and how it was like a shock of lightning up and down my spine that would happen multiple times a day.  She explained that it was not a very welcoming place to grow a baby but not a problem as she was taking care of it.  In my head, I couldn’t fathom how she knew this because I couldn’t even explain it like this.  I didn’t even tell my husband this.  But after the appointment, it was gone.  My anxiety was debilitating at times and now it was mostly gone.   I even tried recreating the anxiety but I was unable to.  I felt like I was floating on a cloud for days after my sessions.  Nothing could get me down.

I continued sessions with this healer.  Months later, in June 2014 I was sitting outside for our 7th or so phone session (we only had one face to face session and I understood that it was unnecessary to meet face to face for these sessions).  I asked the question that I have many times. “Do you see any souls that are ready to come to us as a child?”  She was seeing a little intelligent boy with glasses for a while but was never ready.  She then said, “something is happening in contracts but I can’t see it, it’s too cloudy.”  A soul contract is what parents make with the soul of their child.  This video explains this beautiful story of a little boy recalling when, where, and why he chose his parents along with recalling his past life family and more.  We watched this on the Discovery Channel around this time and I remember balling my eyes out as I felt in my heart the real-ness of it all.

 

A week after my energy healing session.....(July 2014)

The week before, I finished crocheting a beautiful alligator stitch blanket.  My husband always joked that as soon as I would be done with it, our baby would come to us. 

 After completing the blanket, I decided to take up metal stamping and posted this picture on July 21st with this quote.  My faith was now bigger than my fear.  

The next day, I remember deciding to spend the day out with my neighbor but earlier that morning my husband and I decided to schedule a consult for IVF.  I called and the woman asked me when my last missed period was.  I responded with a day which would have made me on day 34.  And I realized something was off and maybe I had an ovarian cyst which I have had before.  The scheduler said to wait over the weekend and call on Monday to make sure I didn’t get it and they would get me in for an ultrasound to make sure I didn’t have an ovarian cyst.  That day, I stopped at CVS to get another dreaded pregnancy test just to be sure.  As soon as I got home, I tested.  When that second line appeared, I fell to my knees in tears and then started jumping up and down.  I called my husband out of his meeting and told him over the phone.  I couldn’t believe it happened naturally!!  I was pregnant!!! 

Our beautiful daughter was born naturally on March 25, 2015.

The real miracle revealed 3 years later.

3 years later a day before our daughter’s 3rd birthday, I was scrolling thru pictures on our computer and noticing that some photos I deleted on my phone, did not delete on my computer.  I then came across this…. my original due date I put on a card.  It is no coincidence our daughter was born on her original due date 2 years later.  I was always getting the information of 2 years in my head but ignored it.  It is no coincidence that her soul waited 2 years to come back to us.  I would have never been the same parent I am today without going on the journey I did to become more conscious of everything in my life.  And now, here she is at almost 5 years old.  

We also have a son that we conceived naturally.  Around the time he was conceived, I remember our daughter coming up to me and kissing my belly so sweetly.  She had never done this before and I thought it would have been so sweet if I were pregnant.  And I was!  I didn’t know at the time but she did.  Our son’s due date was exactly 2 1/2 years down to the day that our daughter’s was.  Our children are exactly 2 1/2 years + 1 day apart in age.  I am so grateful we have this opportunity to guide our children down this journey in life.

What I believe helped us to become pregnant naturally:

I left my stressful teaching job in February 2014 at a very ill-managed charter school where I was treated poorly.  I became happier.  My anxiety was nearly gone after under-going energy healing.  I worked on my gut health and I was eating an organic diet which included inflammatory foods.  I was taking the right supplements for my body including an organic prenatal vitamin with methylated folate, methylated b12, and added extra vitamin c.  And okay, I also drank a bottle of wine myself as we were enjoying an evening together during the time implantation happened.  Yeah, yeah I know…. Not the healthiest and that was inflammatory but I was enjoying it.  Moving on… I switched out my toxic tampons that have shown links to infertility and endometriosis to organic tampons.  I switched out all skin care and cosmetics with hazardous chemicals that have been linked to infertility, cancer, and endocrine disruptions to safer, cleaner, non-toxic products.  And most importantly, I prayed a lot and I let go of my fear of miscarriage and put it all in God’s hands.

I also now believe that I would have never been the mother I wanted to be if my earlier miscarriage would have happened.  I would have not become a conscious, spiritual mother.  Our children’s souls needed this of me.  And yes, I lose my cool from time to time but I am so much more grateful and now understand my journey was imperfectly perfect.

If I could go back in time, this is what I would have done differently:

– I would have skipped the western medicine doctors completely and would have seen a naturopathic, homeopathic, and or chinese medicine doctor who could help me detox, and heal my body from within.  

– I would have meditated and prayed even more. 

– I would have done a heavy metal detox and a candida diet.

– I would have eliminated inflammatory foods.

– I would have told myself to work on healing the feeling of shame for sharing my pregnancy news so soon with others.  I would have worked on healing that fear too.

– I would have left my stressful job sooner.

If you know someone who is having trouble trying to become pregnant:

Share this article with them.  Pray with them and for them.  Be there to listen to them.  And make sure to steer them away from any pregnant person they see in public.  Love them and let them know if they want that child to come to them, that soul is already there waiting to come thru as their child earth-side.  It is all written in the stars.

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